Just over four weeks ago, I found out that I was carrying twins. After a moment's disbelief, I cried tears of joy over this incredible blessing. I really never thought it would happen to us. I texted Court, asking him if he liked the names Huck and Tom, or Mary and Martha, or maybe Lochlain and Anna. Without missing a beat, he shot back Starsky and Hutch. I wondered if he had understood my hints. I called him and he said he missed the "and" between each set of names at first, but then figured it out. He was excited too. He said it would be a "challenge". When you have had eight babies, something a little different is fun!
We told the kids and they were even more excited. The name game began. For the time being, we settled on Merry and Pippin, some of our favorite hobbits. We checked out every book on twins from the library. We even got a dvd of multiples in the womb to watch. I was chatting with moms of twins and learning everything I could.
Then three days ago, all the planning and excitement came to a heartbreaking end. I went in for a check-up and was eager to see Merry and Pippin on the ultrasound again, to see their little hearts beating. Merry had grown much bigger and the little heartbeat was strong. But my Pippin was gone. His sac was so small and there was just a little dot, not a strong healthy baby like Merry.
Incredible sadness swept over me. My first thought was of the other kids. How could I tell them? I cried and prayed the whole way home. I hoped to avoid the discussion until Court got home, but Elizabeth asked with excitement if I had the sonogram and did I have pictures. I had to explain that God had taken Pippin. That he probably wasn't strong enough, but now he was our own saint in Heaven. I emphasized that this world is not our goal only a stopping place. Now that Pippin had gotten to Heaven to wait for us, we need to work even harder to make sure we get there to meet him. Elizabeth asked me if Pippin had Original Sin on his soul and I explained the we rely on God's mercy for unborn babies, and that God knows our desire for Baptism for all of our children.
They cried, they questioned, Timmy asked for a second opinion thinking the doctor could have made a mistake. Tears came and went through the day.
Too short a time. Nine short weeks, if that, my little Pippin grew inside me. Four short weeks did I have to love him and pray for him and nurture him as best I could. I now grieve my loss while rejoicing that my little one is with our Blessed Mother. I must now turn my attention to our Merry and cherish each day I have with him (or her), realizing just how fragile life is.
Thy will be done.
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2 responses
Molly,
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little Pippin. 🙁 You have been on our prayer list for expectant mommies and we will pray especially for comfort for you and your sweet family and for a continued healthy pregnancy for little Merry.
Molly,
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little Pippin. 🙁 You have been on our prayer list for expectant mommies and we will pray especially for comfort for you and your sweet family and for a continued healthy pregnancy for little Merry.